Wednesday, 19 December 2012

From organised to complete chaos

If I go back a month or so, I felt extremiley organised. We had found a place to move into, and the landlord was redecorating the whole place, with a nice new kitchen and bathroom too. We had everything ready for Baby Hs arrival: double buggy, crib, clothes etc. I also had the date in which id be finishing work, was perfect timing for moving in and preparing for christmas. Everything finally seemed to be going right for us.

Our moving in date quickly came round, I had forgotten just how stressfull it really is, especially whilst being pregnant and having a baby crawling around. My family were all away and Kieren wanted to move everything in all on one day(a friday) so the only help we had was his 2 brothers, and they spent most of the day bickering and trying to get a sofa into our front room (it didnt fit). My stress levels were sky high by now, so kierens mum took Jayden for the afternoon so we could get on. we spent the rest of the day, sorting a sofa that does fit in the door and building wardrobes/bedside tables etc. Then I decided that I wanted to put the crib up, so Jayden could get used to it being around, but after I had built the base, the instructions said to get the sides.. and thats where it all went wrong, there were no sides!! We instantly got in contact with the company we ordered the crib from, only to find out that they no longer stock the crib we had ordered so we would have to send it back and get a refund. Well, its 3-4 weeks later and we are still waiting for the money back and we still have no crib. Im due in 3 weeks 1 day so im starting to worry slightly about the baby coming early and having nowhere to sleep.

Just to add to our lovely 1st month in our new home we had major trouble with our boiler and ended up having to stay with family for afew days as it was just too cold, and our washing machine decided to pack up too.

Its less than a week until christmas day and I had planned to be so organised, but we have only done half our shopping, we dont even have wrapping paper yet and we only have a tiny tree this year as we have no idea where ours is and dont have time/money to get a new one at the moment :(

But saying all this and Even with all this happening plus being ill I absolutely love christmas and am determined to have a great time, Kieren finishes work this friday and we have a weekend full of shopping, baking and wrapping planned to cheer us up :) I will do everything in my power to make sure Jayden has a lovely time.

Saturday, 1 December 2012

The Pregnancy blues?

I dont really know quite how to explain how im feeling right now, I have an underlying feeling of guilt. Ive been getting major mood swings and have been feeling mega emotional. I feel as if I should be over-joyed and beaming with excitement, but the truth is im far from that. I have so many things going through my head right now, im worried im not going to be able to cope with everything.

My life is about to change in a MASSIVE way, our second baby is due in just under 6 weeks and I dont feel ready atall. When we first found out I was pregnant I was shocked but so happy, but now Jaydens going through the tantruming stage and hes into everything, and loves ignoring me, and some days I just feel like I want to curl up in a ball and ignore the world, but as a mum I dont have time to feel sorry for my self and quickly have to shake it off.I wonder how im going to cope with a newborn thrown into the mix?

My partner is working incredibly hard, and even working at the weekends, hes exhausted and I know its hard for him only seeing Jayden for around half hour most days. I feel like Im being selfish, I get to stay at home with our babies and its what ive always wanted to do, so how do I have the right to moan?

Im sure ill get through this 'stage', I know im strong, and its just been a very hard week, so everythings just got to me all at once. Our boilers broken, its freezing and Jayden has to sleep at his nannys every night, which im finding very hard. My grandad was taken to hospital, hes been let out now but they think he may have angina. My grandma passed away a couple of months ago and that hit me hard, and now this, I dont have a large family but we are all very close, I see them 2 or 3 times most weeks, not sure my heart can take losing another grandparent just yet.

Its amazing, how just simply writing down your feelings can feel like a huge wait has been lifted from your shoulders. I feel as if this is the first step to feeling like me again :)