Do i have to?

Ok so its almost 'that time'. Its almost time for me to return to WORK! Just the word makes my whole body tense up. Im going back on the 9th of june, so just over a month left. Ill be working 4 days a week, sunday mornings, monday mornings, tuesday evenings and wednesday evenings. The mornings will go quickly, they always do, and atleast i'll still have the afternoon with Jayden. But i am dreading the evenings, they drag so much and I wont finish until 10 so when i get home both 'my boys' will be asleep.

I know there are so many mums in the same situation as me, but i cant help feeling sorry for myself. Im worried about missing all his firsts: first steps, first word ..etc. Hopefully when i have my next child we will be in a better financial situation and i wont have to work or atleast be able to lower my hours.

However, it could be worse, I am extremeley lucky to not have to find and pay for childcare. My family are all around to help out and it will even give Kieren(my partner) and Jayden time together without me on a sunday. I will update my blog once im back at work, who knows i might even enjoy the adult company...

is it bedtime yet?

So, today was not the best of days. Stressfull doesnt even come close to describing it. It all started off fine, infact id say it started pretty well. Jayden woke for his bottle at 6am and actually went back to sleep until half 8, so i joined him. I felt rather refreshed when we awoke.

That feeling was short-lived. At around 10 jayden started getting grouchy, i had only just fed him but he can be abit of a piggy, so i tried some yoghurt, but he didnt seem interested. Then he began to cry, which very quickly changed to a scream. Thank god my mum was here to help! Nothing would calm him down, he had a temperature and kept scrunching up his legs. But he was so tired. He kept yawning and looked exhausted.

Finally after about an hour he fell asleep, but he was in my arms and every time i tried to put him down he would wake up and scream. I had so many things to do, it was just typical! Eventually he dropped off for good in his cot and was asleep for a good hour an a half. He most definitely needed it.

I thought he would be ok when he woke up, but i couldnt have been more wrong. He was worse! Woke up screaming. I gave him a bottle and some cooled boiled water. They actually worked and calmed him down abit, he still wasnt himself though. Hes usually an  unbeievablely happy child.

After what felt like forever (a couple of hours) he went down for his 2nd nap. I sighed a huge sigh of relief! I hadnt even done anything off my to-do list but i was exhausted! I wish I had time to nap with him. When he woke this time though,he was laughing, my cheeky baby was back! This was the happy baby i know! When daddy got home around 5 he was still smiley, until we tried to eat dinner of course! The screaming and temperature were back!

Is it bedtime yet?!? I cant wait for this day to be over!

dummy debate

Ive never had a problem with dummies, infact i weirdly think they (can) look quite cute. But my god, they are the bain of my life at the moment! i wanted jayden to have a dummy from the start, i stupidly thought it would make life easier, which at first it did. Jaydens always been a really happy baby, weve been very lucky. even when hes ill he still manages to smile.

When he was a new born he slept really well, fed every 4 hours on the dot pretty much for the first month or so. He then started going 6 hours at night and shortly after that went on to sleep all the way through, quite often this would be 12 hours. we were amazed and thought we had an angel not a 3 month old baby! but this soon changed, hes now almost 7 months old and wakes up countless times a night wanting his dummy. We were hoping it was just 'a stage' he was going through but its been going on for about 3 months now and im constantly drained because of it.

So, weve spoken to many other parents and everyone seems to suggest the same thing CONTROLLED CRYING. Im dreading it and i wanted to try every other thing i could think of first but nothing has worked. so i guess its time to give in and let him cry it out. Im positive this will work, its just a horrible thing for parents to go through, even when you know they arent in any pain.

fingers crossed it works.

ever growing love..

I cant even begin to describe how it feels to become a "mummy". Ive always known id have kids and ive always wanted a big family, infact ive quite often said i would like 6 children. Not so sure on how i feel about giving birth to 6 now ive experienced labour though!

My whole life changed the moment i found out i was pregnant, so many decisions needed to be made and im no good at making them, never had been! It was time to grow up.

We hadnt planned the pregnancy, infact i was on the pill and me and kieren had only just started dating so it was abit of a shock but it felt so right. People will have their own opinions i know and i completely understand but its my life and i wouldnt change a thing.

Everyday i wake up and look at my gorgeous boy and i still cant believe hes mine! Hes made my life worth living and now im just excited for the future and to watch him grow.